| Trigger Warning: Sexual Harassment at the Workplace by a Person in a Position of Power |

– Have you heard?

– Do you know her?

– Who is she?

– I think she is a JRF, maybe a PhD Research Scholar.

– Oh! She’s the girl who filed that case with the internal complaint committee.

One incident.

One wrong judgement about one God-damned person in your life. And that becomes the et all of your identity.

“The Girl Who Filed a Complaint against Sexual Harassment.”

So what if the trial finds him guilty?

You remain on trial for life.

The case file is closed. But you no longer have a career, a life to go back to. For you, there’s only a before and after to the assault.

And what if he is even rusticated from the organisation?

That’s a favour, not your right! So, now you better shut your mouth, and learn to live with whatever taunts and trash behaviour they think you are fit for.

तुम्हारी बाते मन लेने का दावा तो सभी करेंगे।

पर तुम ये सोचने की गलती कभी मत करना कि इसका मतलब तुम्हें किसी ने भी अपना लिया है।

You are no longer the “ever cheerful girl”.

You are only reminded: “तू सब से हस के बात कर लेती है ना ये सब तो हो ही जाता है फिर।”

Every single thing about you that was once a professional preference – sincerity, agreeableness, never saying no for any work at any hour of the day, being a sounding board, taking initiatives, being caring, being amicable – every single bit of it will only be used to as reasons to justify how you asked for it, with your enthusiasm at work.

“बस attempt ही तो किया था उसने? तेरे साथ क्या हुआ है? कुछ भी तो नहीं हुआ ना।”

बात तो सही है. कुछ भी तो नहीं हुआ।

बस हर पल, हर रोज़, हर एक human interaction मैं अपने दिमाग को शांत करना परता है अब मुझसे की –

– नहीं नहीं ये इंसान मेरी हंसी, मेरी बातें, मेरी मुस्कुराहट को गलत नई समझेंगे –

– मैं बोहोत ज़्यादा हस रई हू क्या –

– ज़्यादा बातें कर रही हूँ क्या इसके साथ –

– अरे नई ये ग़लत नई है – हर कोई ग़लत नहीं होता –

– कभी तो मज़ाक करना मुझे भी allowed है ना –

– I am allowed to be an ambitious workaholic without being mistaken as a desperate boss-pleaser sans self-respect – I was not stupid –

– But I am a Criminologist, I should have known – बच्ची भी तो नहीं थी ना?

– But even then I did not deserve to be sexually assaulted ना for being over-trusting and careless – it was not my fault – I don’t need to hate my body, hate my laughter, my voice, hate myself – I don’t need to feel so disgusted with myself – और शायद ..

– शायद आज भी थोड़ा बहुत healthy flirting enjoy करना मुझे भी तो allowed है ना –

– Just like I am allowed to stand strong against unacceptable abusive behaviour – जैसे consent ना देना मुझे allowed है, वैसे ही शायद कभी consent देना भी तो मुझे आज भी allowed है ना –

– अरे नहीं कुछ नहीं होगा, कुछ नहीं होगा, ठीक हूं मैं, I got my own back, I’ll heal, I’ll be alright, I am alright, everything’s okay – कुछ भी तो नहीं हुआ है .. and think about it I needed to become this person that I am today, right? I needed that –

OKAY. STOP. No.

NO. I did not need to be assaulted. No one needs to be molested, attacked, assaulted, raped.

Do we need reminders to grow into more sensible persons?

Hell, YES. Of, course!

Do those reminders need to be abusive?

Hell, no. NEVER.

Reminders to live aware ought to be kind, and respectful, and safe – like this. So, here’s a reminder:

You see I ended up in that situation because I strongly held on to the believe “not all men”. And trust me, no one knows for a fact that definitely “not all men” better than a woman who has ever been assaulted by one. But even now, every time, I meet someone, I consciously choose to start from a place of trust and respect till the time the other person gives me reason to think otherwise. Because you see, the day I give up my core feminist instincts of treating every woman and man equally as a human first, the day I start mistreating every random man down the street because some God-forsaken man someday thought he could walk all over me and walk away like nothing ever happened, he wins. A crime wins over a Criminologist. And that’s not happening in this lifetime. I won’t let it.

So, yes, I’m just another such woman, saying it out loud, so that tomorrow, some little girl, some little child, is not ruthlessly smothered, and left wondering where in history she lost her voice.

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