Respect People Enough to Hold a Conversation – and Listen to them as much.

I say this as someone who once upon a time happened to be this person who chose silence out of self-inflicted guilt and shame, who thought silence was more respectful than outright saying no, who could never trust the other person to really understand my mind and life, and hence chose to communicate in complete silence. No, none of it was strategic. But it was an unacceptable, disrespectful behaviour that needed to be unlearnt.

For The One Strategising Silence in Conversations:

Fast forward to a few years of studying behavioural sciences, I learnt that silence is often strategically used for manipulation – in business dealings, diplomatic negotiations, and even in wars. And then, I started to notice the same trend in daily human interactions, especially across power dynamics within social and professional institutions.

• If you are someone who intentionally or unintentionally uses the silent treatment strategically or unconsiously, please remember how disrespectful and unloving it felt when you were on the receiving end of it.
• You might think that you are saving the peace in the relationship by avoiding conflict, but in reality, you are tearing apart the relationship and starting a battle-with-self.
• You might think that you are being respectful, but in reality, you are degrading the other person to a non-existent entity unworthy of one decent conversation even, and nothing can be more disrespectful than that.

You always have a choice – either to be who you had or to become who you needed but maybe never had.

For The One Hurting in Silence:

Not everyone uses the silent treatment strategically. Some of us have never learnt any better. So many of us have grown up with the silent treatment as a punishment, as the absence of long-due apology that never came, as an un-worded acknowledgement of guilt, as a method of obliging blind obedience, and maybe a lot more.

It is impossible to break down the nuances of the silent treatment in human interactions in one blog post. However, if you are someone who can relate to this and no longer know when you use silence as a strategy in the conversation, and when you are too overwhelmed to speak in words, please know that I completely understand how distressing it can be to feel all the more misunderstood and judged when you do speak up. Trust me, I know.

I know exactly how difficult it is to break this cycle and practice healthier forms of communication with no assurance of being met with even remotely compassionate forms of comprehension. Yet, I will say this:

• Every person is a different story.
• It is only human for a genuinely kind person to not be so supremely mindful at all times.
• No one can be always right in understanding others.

Give others a fair chance to get to know your beautifully messy mind. Chances are you’ll realize how loveable your unfiltered self is, how accepting and kind people can be. Above all that, you will be okay through every rejection, every unfair judgement and misunderstanding that comes your way.

~ thoughts in solitude ~

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