Every human relationship has its glorious highs and inglorious lows. That is natural. That is healthy. It implies authenticity within the relationship. This becomes especially true for romantic relationships since each individual has the highest possible expectations and the maximum possible emotional investment in it. The disagreement, the conflict, and the need for some time out is not the problem. How you approach that time-out in a relationship is what matters.

THINK OF IT THIS WAY:

When you take a break from your parents, you don’t go out looking for other parents, right? You don’t even go around your life cribbing to every new parent-ish adult you meet about how difficult your parents are and listing every difficult situation you’ve faced thus far in life with them. Even if you have a fallout with your sibling you don’t immediately switch to a hunt for a temporary or permanent replacement, I suppose.

This means that your search for your own space, identity, aspirations, individuality, and life goals, however, you want to put it – all of that is not dependent on you cheating on your parents, on your family. Or disrespecting them either.

Why should a romantic relationship be any different then?

As Esther Perel says, “If earlier we ended marriages or romantic relationships because we were not happy, today we end relationships because we could be happier.” The fact is: there is absolutely no end to this possibility of being happier. It is a never ending chase, since forever, till forever. That is a fact. Now, whether you let this fact become a problem in your life or not, that is entirely upto you. It is completely your voluntary choice.

It is natural to want a break, to want to explore your own potential in your own way, to live life on your own terms, and all that jazz. By all means, explore that thrill too. As a matter of fact, that personal growth journey does not necessarily need you to cheat on your partner or to impulsively start looking for a different partner.

IN A PARALLEL CONVERSATION:

It also helps to be mindful of the reality that a lot of us in our generation may have ended relationships not because we wanted to end the relationship, but simply because we wanted the end the situation the relationship was in. And this is tied to witnessing first hand how detached and miserable, almost resentful a relationship can become; and the passively hostile environment that a resentful romantic relationship can create for everyone in and around that relationship.

Sadly, what we rarely, if ever, got to witness is talking through things, communicating needs and boundaries, forgiving and moving ahead with the same person without holding on to resentments, and everything on these lines. Part of breaking the cycle is not only about learning to walk away but also about learning to walk through the darkest pathways. And this calls for faith in your own resilience, more than faith in the other person’s capability to understand you or the situation. This requires committing to yourself first, and as strongly as you commit to the relationship.

MAKE YOUR OWN CHOICE:

Saving the loyalty and commitment to yourself, and to the relationship, is very much an intrinsic part of the journey of expanding your horizons.

P.S.: This post does not refer to abusive and violent relationships. It is not intended as a judgement on anyone’s personal choice either. The thought shared here is only a personal perception.

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