Often in life, we face this dilemma about people who have been with us in some of the lowest points of our lives but somehow, as we all grow through what we go through, for whatever well-intended reasons, the same people manage to always make us feel inadequate in every possible way.
Somehow, we are always the clown of the gathering. Nothing we do is ever good enough. We are not good enough. Or smart enough. We are always made to feel small. There are always faults found in everything we say and do. There’s always something laughable about the way we dress, talk, how we go about our life. It seems like through the lens of these people, there’s always something worth mocking about our very existence.
Yet, somehow letting them go from our lives seems selfish and ungrateful. For old times’ sake, we think it’s all worth it. And, we don’t know what to do. We feel stuck in this helpless situation of desperately wanting to be seen for what we are worth, for being seen beyond the one incident of our lives where we were an absolute idiot, and worse, we start explaining these other peoples’ behaviour or taunts and comments simply because we are so scared of losing them. We fear losing them over losing ourselves every single day.
If the question is, “Can you have gratitude for the support this person rendered to you at some lowest point of your life, and at the same time take a stand for your self-worth?” I say “YES!”
Yes, you can. And this is how:
- You always wish the person the best in life.
- You do not ill-mouth them in their absence.
- You respect their journey, and their life struggles, because remember, only hurt people tend to humiliate others.
Nurture enough mindspace to understand their reasons, WITHOUT ever again allowing the same mockery back into your life.
Distance yourself. Not impolitely or in rage or arrogance. But move away. Let yourself grow too. Give yourself room to breathe because you deserve to be valued. You do not deserve to be made to feel like some sort of a compulsion, a forced association, an obligated favour of sorts. You deserve to be chosen as an acquaintance and a friend.
If someone cannot cheer you on the way you do for them, that’s completely okay. Just like you don’t owe anyone anything, no one owes you anything either, you know! Strange as it may sound, that’s just how it is.
However, if someone always, always finds a reason to laugh at you, mock you, make you feel small and inadequate no matter what the situation or no matter what you do because they know some of the most vulnerable facts from your life – yes, you can be eternally grateful to them for their support and selflessness when you needed it the most, hold on to that belief in their selflessness and kindness in your heart and at the same time, remove yourself from their lives, for your own good.
You are allowed to grow apart. With gratitude, and grace.