Time and again the mind goes back to this dark web of thoughts where we are no longer sure of whether we are responding to the present situation or reacting to a past negative experience. Life has its own ways of bringing back triggers of difficult memories again and again in unexpected ways. The downward spiral turns into an explosion of frustration, anger, helplessness, desparation all at once. And yet sitting through the darkness is what enlightens the mind to be increasingly aware and compassionate towards ourselves and the people involved in these unwanted experiences of life.
Re-visiting past traumatic phases becomes extremely difficult and unnerving but then, it is all a part of what made us. The joy, the cruelty, the dismissal, the avoidance, the kindness, and everything in between is what nurtured us into the person we have consciously chosen to become today.
“Why should we look to the past in order to prepare for the future? Because there is nowhere else to look.”
― James Burke, Connections
Gratitude, they say is the key to steering ourselves back to the here and now. Here’s a quote that helps me hang on to gratefulness even in moments of extreme frustration and helplessness:
No one is against you. Everyone is for themselves. And that is exactly how it’s supposed to be.
― The Daily Stoic
This reminder-to-self can help you acknowledge how others have always done their best at any given point in time and space. Just like you want to be seen for doing your best at every phase of life. That best may not be the best for the situation always. But the question is: “Is it the best of your emotional and physical capacity, based on the knowledge and understanding you have at the time?” If the answer to that is a yes, then you’ve done enough. You can always tailor any new knowledge or comprehension of the situation into future responses and behavioural upgrades. There is no need to keep beating yourself up for past ways. Acknowledge the dis-satisfaction, Acknowledge the growth. And remember the lessons. Get on with life with the newly earned mindfulness.
Constantly checking in with the little version of me –
Wishing she is glad about who she has become,
Wishing she will be content with what she is yet to be.
Above all, wondering, how much the little woman already knew of the life thereafter!
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